Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Randomize
