WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
