I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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