He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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