My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
