if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
