help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
