there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
