Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
