Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
