He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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