I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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