My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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