Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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