he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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