I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
