Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
