you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
