She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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