I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
