i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
