Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
