so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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