He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
