When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
