I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
