so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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