Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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