Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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