I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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