And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
