How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
