I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
