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i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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