ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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