Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
