We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I will be naked everywhere
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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