just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
