Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Randomize
