who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
In other news, I just burned my penis
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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