FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
