In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
