she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
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