$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
