____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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