i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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