Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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