Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
