the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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