I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
