Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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