is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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