you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
